Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
