He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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