the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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