it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
