God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
