so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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