Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
