Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
