I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
