weddingsv make me drug and hornr
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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