I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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