i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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