You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
