Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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