That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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