Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is it penis luge time yet?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
