I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
