Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I had to cum in my sink.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
