Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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