Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am available for nakedness
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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