you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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