I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
