She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
