You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
