I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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