I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
