I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
whose parrot is this?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
