I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
