Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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