Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
