You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
