I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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