i think my tv is drunk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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