I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
