I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
