I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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