and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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