fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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