if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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