you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize