Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
