I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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