Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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