doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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