Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
