BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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