I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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