Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
