so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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