she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
barbara walters just said penis...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
