didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
