and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He did a backflip because drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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