Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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