If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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