Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
