if you like me you must not know who I am
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
