I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
