yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
PANTIES FOUND
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