Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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