Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
