haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
