It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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