its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
