I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
