its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
