you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
