Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's blow job season.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
