I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
