normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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