woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
organizing the empties. That sober.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
