is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
