So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
