cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
