The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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