how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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