i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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