you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
