Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
