I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
