Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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