google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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