first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
