it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
