We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
