Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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