Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
