So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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