I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
