My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize