that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you never un-have a 4some
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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