can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
