So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
